It would seem that there has been some confusion among my readers regarding my political views. This is a little weird to me, as I don’t remember ever posting an actual statement on any specific political policy, candidate or official.
As far as I can tell, those of my readers who are staunch conservative Republicans are concerned that, because of my views on the environment and helping the poor I may be leaning a bit further left than is proper for a well-raised Midwestern Christian girl. Further, I almost NEVER watch Fox News and I have affiliated my blog, at times, with the bleeding heart liberals at Huffington Post.
Image from sodahead.com. This is not me, but the resemblance is uncanny… if I were younger and taller and thinner and more blonde and looked completely different than I do.
Those of my readers who are die-hard Democrats feel that my declarations that the government needs to be more “hands-off” and my choice to homeschool and attend a “traditional” Christian church as well as the fact that I almost NEVER watch CNN mean that I may be aligning myself with the cold-hearted conservatives.
This is not me either.
Allow me to set the record straight.
I’m not a big fan of the Republicans or the Democrats. I voted in the last election, but not for Obama or Romney. I think the government has failed. Not just the current administration, but the whole system. Obviously, problems as vast and complex as the economic recession, environmental decline and faltering education can’t be placed upon the shoulders of a single individual, or even a single political party. They’ve all had their chance: The Democrats, Republicans, Socialists, Libertarians, The Democratic-Republicans (yes, that’s a thing), The Whigs, The National Republicans, The Independents and the Federalists have all had their turn in Federal government and look where it’s gotten us!
Not one to complain without offering an alternative, Lazy Hippie Mama is here, today, to propose something altogether new for America.
This is me. I am holding a baby because I, apparently, don’t own a single photo of myself from the past 11 years in which I am not holding a child. I didn’t realize that until today.
That’s right. During the next presidential election I will be running for Queen.
Government, as it is, obviously can’t get anything done. With one party ruling the executive branch and another in the legislative we are at a stalemate. The judges… well… let’s face it… they cause nothing but trouble. No matter what they say someone ends up unhappy.
Throw them all out!
No more bickering.
I am a mom. I’m used to running things with a firm and loving hand.
Firm, but loving.
I am happy to hear your side of the story and I promise to always and forever be as fair as is humanly possible but, once judgement is rendered…. that’s it! No more talking about it or you’ll go straight to time out.
Once I’ve established my Mom-archy, first thing will be first. I will balance the budget.
Moms can stretch a dollar further than any banker or politician ever dreamed. A mom can buy a bag of potatoes for $4 and make it into 30 different meals to feed the family for a month. Moms can fix and patch and make do better than anyone in the world. Moms know the difference between NEEDS and WANTS.
“Well that’s alright, dear. Nothing goes better with cabbage than cabbage!”
The GDP in the United States is in excess of $15 TRILLION and you’re telling me we can’t afford to pay for Great-Grandpa’s heart pills.
Oh, good grief. Get a grip!
Any Mama who has told their 10 year old “no, you can’t have your own cell phone plan because you don’t really need that but we do need to PAY THE MORTGAGE,” could do a better job balancing the budget than any political party in recent memory has done.
Once the budget is balanced, here’s how it will work in the Mom-archy:
Get up! Get moving! Get to work!
Because it’s morning and God gave you another day and you need to use it wisely.
Please make your bed and be sure to eat a healthy breakfast and don’t forget to brush your teeth. Nobody wants to smell your morning breath.
Do your best at work or school. You are talented and it’s a waste to give less than 100%.
No fighting! I don’t care who started it, I will finish it. Find a way to get along. Period.
Share. There is more than enough for everybody. You don’t need to be hording everything for yourself.
If you make a mess, clean it up. It is not the Mom-arch’s job to tidy up every little thing. You are plenty old enough to take care of it yourself.
Be nice to those weaker than you. Perhaps that person is physically or mentally unable to do the things you do. Be kind anyway. They, and the gifts they share with the world, are just as valuable as you are. Never forget, to someone else, you are the smaller, weaker person.
Go to bed at a reasonable hour.
Don’t waste your time watching trash TV all day.
There is never a reason to use crude language.
Treat others the way you want to be treated.
No running with scissors!
image from rathika.deviantart.com
Go to church. It doesn’t have to be MY church, but you need to recognize that there are forces in the universe far greater than yourself.
Eat your fruits and veggies.
Be kind to animals.
Boys and men, please aim carefully.
Girls and women, don’t be over-dramatic.
Your outer clothes should ALWAYS cover your underclothes.
Image from theage.com.au. This is NOT acceptable in the Mom-archy. Pull your pants up.
Take a good nap after lunch.
Take responsibility for your actions.
Don’t give up on your projects until they are finished.
Use proper grammar.
image from teamtwo3340. blogspot.com
And, for goodness sake, use your manners when you are in public. After all, good manners are a way of showing respect for others and everybody likes to be treated with respect – including you.
This shall be our national anthem.
Should you fail to follow these rules, a fitting consequence will result.
Perhaps, if you have done harm to another… say… caused him financial harm, then you will be made to repay him fairly.
If you have been mean to another, you may be made to walk in her shoes for a time, to learn what her life is like.
And if a “time out” is required, you will be sent to Florida until such a time as you can show the Mom-arch that you are fit to re-join society. And I’m not talking about the pretty, landscaped, Disney World, old-people-want-to-retire-there part of Florida, either. I’m talking about the swelteringly hot, mosquito infested swamp that caused some early European settlers to believe they had died en-route and been sent to Hell.
You sit there and think about how you made your neighbor feel! When you are ready to be nice, maybe I’ll let you come back… if the three-eyed swamp monster hasn’t eaten you yet.
There will be a police force… sort-of a secret service, if you will. It will be comprised mostly of old women. They could be anywhere, so be warned. Their primary job will be thwapping people in the back of the head or grabbing them by one ear when they are acting like idiots.
As for my part, I will do my best to see to it that no one forgets the rules. I will encourage you and lift you up. I will cheer you on, endlessly. I will point out your greatest talents and do everything in my power to give you the opportunity to use them. I will champion your worthy cause before others and do everything I can to keep you safe and healthy and be sure that you always have enough of everything you need (though, perhaps, not always everything you WANT). I will pray for you every day and give you the very best parts of who I am. I will fight for you, tirelessly. I will listen to you. I will respect you. I will love you, always, unconditionally, because of the beautiful person you are.
Why would I do those things?
That’s what a mom does.
So, what do you say? How does it sound? Do I have your vote?
Like the post, share it on Facebook, Pin it, Tweet it, re-blog it and help spread the word. After all, we only have 3 1/2 years until election day! (Plus it makes me so very ridiculously happy to have posts with lots of “views” and “likes” and “shares” Come on, won’t you follow my blog and pass this post around so I can jump up and down and say to my husband every five minutes, “Look how many views I have NOW!).
Feel free to contact me, directly, if you would like to make monetary donations to my cause.
*For the record, I truly and dearly love this country. I am humbled and honored to call myself an American and I am well aware of the extraordinary freedom that living in this time and place grants me… freedom, among other things, to write things like this. Our nation is flawed, because we are only human, but it is a wondrous place to live. Perhaps, if we all make a sincere effort to live as our mothers taught us, we can make it even better.
Are you, too, seeking to save the earth, promote world peace and raise productive citizens without expending too much effort?
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If we work on our goals together, they may be a little easier to achieve!