Avoid Cancer, Smell Better, Save Money

TMI alert:  I’m going to talk about my armpits now.

My armpits are stinky.  I come from an Earthy Eastern European people who, I truly believe, spent so much time tending their livestock they started to smell like them.  Frequently I tell my children, “take a shower. You smell like a goat.” To be fair, just as often I say, “I’m going to take a shower.  I smell like a goat.” If you’ve never been around goats they really don’t smell that great. Some days, neither does my family.

From about the 5th grade on my mother taught me that, if I were going to win friends and influence people, it’s important to rid myself of lingering goat musk.  She gave me a stick of Secret antiperspirant (which at that time was still strong enough for a man, but made for a woman). Problem solved! No smells remained but the gentle, lingering aroma of baby powder.  But then…..

In college I started developing these horrible painful lumps under my arms.  Like… so big and so painful I could barely put my arms down. A pharmacist recommended a salt crystal deodorant.  This isn’t so much deodorant as… well… salt.  You wet it and rub it under your arms and, VOILA! No sweat. Within a few days the pain was gone and all was well again.  Unless I got REALLY sweaty.  I mean, sitting in class, freshly showered and taking notes I was fine.  Playing racquetball in the gym?  Not so much.  So back to Secret I went (or Suave or Dove or whatever was on sale).  Whenever the pain would return I’d switch back to the crystal for few days until it went away but then I learned something….

The aluminum in deodorant is a known neurotoxin.  This isn’t one of those vague things like “We fed a 1 pound rat 12 pounds of bacon a day and the nitrates killed it.”  This is well known, documented science.  And aluminum is in pretty much ALL commercial deodorant (unless you specifically look for “natural” products like Burt’s Bees etc).  It’s the MAIN ingredient.  And doctors the world over agree that it may be linked to  Alzheimer’s and other cognitive disorders.  In case that’s not enough, it can also cause renal failure, respiratory problems and more. For more on this, go to www.fda.gov or www.who.int and search “aluminum.”  You have to wade through the science-speak but you’ll get the drift. For less official but easier to read versions simply Google “aluminum in deodorant.” You’ll get hundreds of thousands of hits. OR just read your deodorant label.  There is a warning on there “contains aluminum.”   There’s a reason why they have to tell you that.

If that’s still not enough to disturb you, the binding agents, parabens, have been linked in some studies (admittedly, more along the lines of the 12 pounds of bacon studies) to cause or worsen breast cancer and reproductive problems.

OK. So here’s the thing: most everyone I know uses deodorant (there is one lady I used to work with… but that’s a blog for another day) and MOST of them don’t suffer from either Alzheimer’s or breast cancer.  And, as previously mentioned, I seriously need some help keeping the BO to a minimum.  Nobody wants to smell that!  AND, if you haven’t picked up on it yet from reading my blog, I’m pretty lazy about taking action on things if action isn’t very easily taken.  So, knowing all this, I was still using Secret (well… actually I think it was Degree most recently).

But then…  darn! My armpits are starting to hurt.  And somewhere in the last move I lost my salt crystal. And no one around here sells it.  What’s a stinky modern girl to do?  Why, just Google it, of course!  Did you know that there are at least fourhundredsixtytwoGAZILLION natural alternatives to commercial, aluminium deodorant?  Here’s the kicker (and, if this blog has taught you anything it should teach you that this is the norm, not the exception): the natural stuff is not only safer but CHEAPER.  Here are a few for your perusal:

1) Baking Soda.  Yup. That’s it.  You know how it sucks the stink out of your fridge, carpet & cat littler box?  It will do the same thing on your stinky pits.  Just put a bit in your hand, moisten, and rub it in.  I’ve read that this can be harsh on sensitive skin so that leads us to….

2) Apple Cider Vinegar.  My handsome hippie husband believes that the cure to nearly everything in the world from the common cold to world war (well… ok maybe not THAT) is Apple Cider Vinegar.  Turns out there are quite a few folks dabbing this smelly crap (sorry, Honey, but it really is awful) under their arms to rid themselves of… well… smell.  Apparently the vinegar stink evaporates in a minute or two and you’re left altogether stinkless for a day or even two.  Be advised to NOT do this immediately after shaving unless you want to react like the kid in that movie Home Alone.

3) For those who believe that nothing can be that easy here’s the recipe for you:

1/4 cup of baking soda, 1/4 cup of arrowroot powder & 6-8 TBSP of coconut oil (this can be hardened or softened by warming or cooling).

If you can’t find arrowroot (you probably can’t unless you live somewhere near a great natural food & health store) you can use cornstarch and get a close approximation.

Mix your dry ingredients and then work the oil in until you end up with something firm but pliable.  Stuff it into your old twisty deodorant tube (or, really, any container with a lid) and you’ve got new deodorant.

“So,” you may ask. “How did it work for you, Goatgirl?”  Well… the truth is I haven’t made it through the list yet.  So far, baking soda works like a charm.  It’s a tiny bit messier than the “normal” stuff and if I traveled a lot I would probably hate that.  But I don’t so it’s no big deal.  When I try the rest, I’ll let you know.

Have you tried an “alternative” antiperspirant/deodorant?  Tell me all about it!

UPDATE!

OK.  So, I’ve tried 2 of the 3.  Being lazy, it’s the one that requires mixing I haven’t done yet.  Both worked great!!!  The baking soda can be a bit drying if you use it every day but, as it turns out, even if you smell like a goat that’s not necessary.  The effects seem to linger 2 or even 3 days between applications.  The Cider Vinegar was ok too but, if I got REALLY sweaty I smelled a little like vinegar.  Which is almost as bad as goat smell.

One other thing….  here’s an interesting article my chiropractor led me to:

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2012/04/02/toxic-parabens-on-breast-cancer-patients.aspx?e_cid=20120402_DNL_art_1

ANOTHER UPDATE!

I’m in love! I’m in love! And I don’t care who knows it!  OK.  Well… that may be over-stating a bit.  But a few weeks ago I finally worked myself up to the 2 minutes of measuring and mixing required to make the coconut oil stuff and I LOVE it!!!!  It has virtually no smell at all so I don’t smell like a goat OR spoiled apples.  It is creamy and feels nice against my skin.  And, even over several 80 and 90 degree days over the past few weeks, it works BETTER THAN ANY STORE BOUGHT DEODORANT I’ve ever tried.  When stored in a cool place it is solid enough that you could probably store it in a re-used solid deodorant stick container but if it gets too warm it will melt all over the place, so I wouldn’t recommend it.  I keep mine in an old baby food container and it is just lovely.  Here’s wishing you a warm summer with healthy odorless pits!  :)

Impress Your Friends and Family in 3 Simple Steps

When I grow up my house will be beautiful.  Everything will be clean all the time. Dust will never hide behind the back rungs of my dining room chairs and no spider will dare challenge my fastidiousness by spinning a web in my picture perfect home.

I’m not grown up yet.  My house is a mess.  All the time.  Even right after I’ve cleaned.  I’ve dropped in unexpectedly at other people’s homes and it seems their children never leave dirty underwear in the living room and they actually have the motivation to wash ALL the dishes EVERY day.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not living in an episode of hoarders or anything.  But it’s been a good long while since my baseboards have been wiped down.

However, I have discovered a way to make even the tidiest neat-freak look past my housekeeping shortfalls.  At special occasions, when everyone comes to visit, upon my table (covered in a pretty green cloth so that no one can see they mysterious red stuff we can’t scrape off) in the midst of my elegant white dishes (thank you, Marie!) there is a dish of….

HOMEMADE BUTTER.  That’s right! A lovely little dish of whipped up elegance that company marvels at.  “Oh!” They say, “You must have spent hours milking your cow and churning that perfectly lovely creamy dab of deliciousness!”  I just smile demurely.  “Yes. Yes.  I, working mother & homemaker extraordinaire, prepared this  delicacy JUST FOR YOU. Because I love you THAT much.”

It never occurred to me to take a picture of my butter, so I am sharing this one from Wikihow. This is very much what your butter looks like after you drain it and before you shape it into whatever shape you chose.

Once I added herbs.  I thought my guests were going to completely neglect my Pillsbury biscuits out of a can and just start eating the stuff with their spoons.

Here’s the thing, though.  Several years ago my husband gave me a Martha Stewart cookbook for Christmas.  While some ladies may prefer jewelry or perfume I was actually quite excited about this! As time has moved forward there are really only 2 recipes I use from it.  Her basic fried chicken is one.  The other is the secret as to why my friends and family are so VERY impressed.

Because you have taken the time to read my little blog I’ll share Martha’s secret with you.  How to make the most fabulous tasting and impressive condiment on the Earth:

1. Pour a carton of heavy whipping cream into your food processor fitted with the metal blade.

2. Turn it on a let it run. And run. And run.  It could take a good 5 or 10 minutes.  I suppose things like the temperature of the cream and the room make a difference but I’m not sure how all that works.

3. Drain off the “buttermilk.”  I find that pouring everything into a strainer and then collecting the “chunks” and letting them drain on a paper towel works well.  You may even give your little butterball a squeeze or two to get the excess moisture out.

That’s it!  That’s what the local grocery is charging you $4 a pound for!  Feel free to add salt or herbs as your little hippie heart desires.  Use your hands to mold it into a ball (I often wrap it in a paper towel and squeeze it because I don’t like it to be watery) or use a cookie cutter to make it into an occasion-appropriate shape.  It will be the creamiest, sweetest, most delicious condiment you’ve ever served and all your friends and family will be impressed too!  Your fresh butter won’t last long.  Once you make it, you need to use it up or freeze it within a few days.  But, alas, all good things must come to an end.

I Saved $100!

Have you seen those  oh-so-awesomely-cool hippie Mamas wearing their babies in crowded places?  They look so hip! So in tune with the needs of this tiny person that can’t yet manage to walk through the masses of humanity on their own.  It’s so much tidier than a stroller.  I want to be like them!

A note before I go on:  I have no desire to wear my baby all day every day.  He’s hot. And heavy.  And awfully wiggly.  But at an indoor rummage sale or a craft show with lots of fragile stuff lying about just BEGGING to be touched I really hate the gigantic limousine of a stroller that Chubby Hippie Baby and I usually enjoy.

So… I went on a search for a baby wrap.  I learned three things.

The first:  baby wraps are really expensive (by my cheap skate make-my-own-diapers-out-of-old shirts standards).  You can easily spend $50-100 on a pretty wrap.  If you try hard you can spend $500 or more!

The second: baby wraps are a giant rectangle of fabric. Sometimes there are slight additions to the fabric. There may be rings to tighten it or tags to center it.  But mostly, it’s just a big rectangle. A really expensive big rectangle.

The third: These things are comically difficult to use!  There are you tube videos that make it look so simple. Maybe it’s easier with a smaller baby.  Or maybe I just don’t have enough practice.  I don’t know.  But, upon learning that they are just a giant rectangle, I decided to enlist my daughter’s help in getting my very large 9 month old into a wrap.  30 minutes later we were both sitting in the middle of the living room floor weeping with laughter.  The baby just seemed rather bewildered and somewhat frustrated to be wrapped up in multiple yards of ugly puke-pink cotton.  (It was what I had on hand to experiment with).

OK. So, wearing my baby wasn’t off to a great start.  I did my go-to move.  I Googled “wear my baby,” and I learned about the Mei Tai.  This Asian style carrier is like a cross between my old Infantino soft-mold carrier that he no longer fits in and a totally cool hippie wrap.  It is, basically, a baby-sized rectangle with four very long straps.  You center baby in the rectangle and just wrap the STRAPS around yourself.  This is much easier!  Also much cooler.  As the first day of spring in MI this year was a global-warming-freaky 84 degrees out, cool is an important consideration.  It can be worn on the front or back.  I loved this as, sometimes I want my sweet boy face-to-face so I can visit with him but, sometimes, I need him on my back since he’s as heavy as a newborn elephant.

Babyhawk (http://www.babyhawk.com) is a popular brand of Mei Tai style carriers.  They are seriously super cool.  If you are not as cheap as me, save 2 hours of sewing and buy one of their products!  That said, if you think $109…. that’s right…. $109   (In my house that’s about a week of groceries, 1/2 of a month’s worth of electricity or 30 days of car insurance.  It’s a lot of dough!) is not too much to spend on a small rectangle with four long straps you should check out this fabulous tutorial:

http://24-7-365.blogspot.com/2010/06/tutorial-make-your-own-mei-tai.html

Alissa’s instructions are super easy to follow!  I used her pattern and did what I do.  I sort-of-kind-of in the fast, sloppy way I have of sewing, followed it.  I added some length to the straps because I’m a whole lotta hippie woman to wrap. I LOVE it!  It is super easy to use! I don’t get tired at all carrying CHB on my back. Putting him in the front is a little bit of work for me, but still far more comfy than the Infantino carrier.

All together it took me 2 baby naps and an episode of Yo! Gabba Gabba! (that’s how I measure  time  these days) to get it done.  Final cost for 2 yards of new fabric (I also used about 2 yards I already had) was about $9.  I saved $100!

Here’s my version of the Mei Tai.  (Alissa’s is much more professional. She is far craftier than this lazy hippie will ever be):

The Great Laundry Detergent Experiment of 2012

No! That's not coffee in that can. It's enviro-friendly, easy-to-make laundry soap!

I started cloth diapering a while back and, upon reading the numerous steps that some germ-conscious mamas take to get their baby’s bums pristinely clean, I learned that laundry soap is bad for the environment. It’s also expensive (I already knew that. I’m lazy, not oblivious) and it destroys cotton diapers.  By extension, I guess that it destroys most cotton anything over time.  We’ve already established that I am lazy. And sort of broke. So I found myself in a quandary…

There are special laundry soaps out there that are better for the environment and better for our cotton-covered bums.  Not so much better for the wallet, though.

An approximate cost breakdown of some “standard” detergents:

Tide 2X = $.20

Tide Ultra = $.17

Arm & Hammer = $.14

And some “green” detergents:

Allen’s Naturally = $.31

7th generation = $.21

ecos = $.14

Most days I do 1 load of laundry. Well, I wash and dry 1 load of laundry.  About once a week I get around to folding it and putting it away.  That means that  I’m spending $50-75 a year on laundry soap.  I COULD be spending that money on dinner at the Olive Garden with my oh-so-handsome hippie hubby!  What’s a modern girl to do?  Turn to the internet of course!

There are a LOT of recipes out there for detergent. Some are supposed to be extra-super-color-brightening-stain-fighting fabulous.  There are sweet-scented liquids. I found a powdered one that was cheap and easy.  It is good for the environment. It is reasonably gentle for tiny tushies.  It is a lazy hippie mama’s dream come true!  I altered it a little because I like Ivory soap better than the kind they used.

1 bar of ivory soap grated up on your cheese grater’s tiniest setting (this also makes for the cleanest cheese grater in the universe)

1 cup of borax

1 cup of washing soda

Mix ‘em all up on an old coffee can or other container with a lid, use 2 TBSP per load and…. voila! You’ve saved the earth, your favorite cotton clothes, and a bit of cash all at once.  How much cash, you ask?  Well… by my math this recipe costs me about $.03 per load, or about $11 per year so I’ve earned one nice, kid-free dinner out.  It took less than 10 minutes to make and my 7-year-old, the aspiring chemist, did pretty much everything.  I’m told that, for especially nasty dirt, an extra shot of the borax straight into the machine and/or a scoop of oxy-clean will give the needed boost.  I haven’t tried that yet.  I have also read that, since this is a very lo-suds soap it is safe for front load washers.

I’ve used my creation for about a week now and our clothes are as stain-free as ever and not a single person has mentioned a horrible smell so we must be clean (but probably wrinkled since I haven’t folded lately).  If you try it, let me know what you think!