Thoughts Of A Grown Up


Pure bliss looks like this!

I feel very grown up today.

I woke up thinking about money. Or more precisely our acute lack of it.  Hippie hubby just started a new job, which looks to be great. But until the checks start coming in… well…  Let’s just say I might be writing my blogs long hand by candlelight if we don’t get some cash soon!

I quickly moved from worrying about money to freaking out about getting hippie daughter to school on time.  She had a late night, didn’t get her homework done and was less than enthusiastic about rising before the sun today.  So my efforts were put into dragging her out of bed, cajoling her to wolf down some cereal and trying to go through the spelling list one more time.  Quickly! Quickly! Quickly!

Hippie baby coughed.  Oh, Lord!  Is he getting sick AGAIN?  Oh. No.  Just choking on a Cheerio. Cheerio removed.  Crisis averted.  But what’s that SMELL?  Time for a diaper change.

Darn it! Late for work! Gotta GO!

Aw, nuts.  Did anyone let the dog out?

Then I started worrying about money again.

You get the idea.  Chances are, your morning wasn’t all that different.  Because you’re a grown up.  And that’s just how life is, right?

Is it?

At the first opportunity I took a moment to PAUSE.  I breathed.  Breathe in. Breathe out.  Look at that! My lungs are still working! My heart is still beating.  I am thankful.  Everything is going to be ok.  Everything always is.

And suddenly a Bible verse popped into my head.  Matthew 18:3 says, “”I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Some Christians say that this verse is talking about going to an after-life paradise.  But Hippie Hubby reads a lot of Emmanuel Swedenborg’s writings and Swedenborg says that the kingdom of heaven is all around us.  We just get blinded by our earthly habits, thoughts, passions, etc.  I haven’t given a lot of thought to the theology behind the verse.  But here’s what I saw this morning:

I saw my baby boy.  Dancing.  He was well rested because his parents had provided a safe, warm place to sleep.  His little tummy was full of good milk from mama.  His bottom was clean.  He has learned that, when he needs something, mama and daddy will be quick to get it for him.  He wasn’t sitting, head in hands, worrying that there were only 3 clean diapers in the house and what if there isn’t time to wash them?  And what are we having for dinner?  And what if? What if? WHAT IF? He was just dancing.  He was fully in the moment.  He was happy and content and full of joy and confidence that, when he needs us, we will be there.

Looking back, I have always had what I have needed.  I haven’t always had everything I wanted.  And sometimes I THOUGHT I needed one thing, got something else, and realized that I got what I needed after all.  My Heavenly Father (or Mother, if you prefer) has ALWAYS been there for me, guiding me, helping me, blessing me, providing the strength to face any challenge (and let’s be honest.  The challenges do come!).  And the kingdom of heaven has been surrounding me all along.  I just get blinded sometimes.  TODAY I am strong and healthy and so are my loved ones. TODAY the lights are still on, there is food in the fridge and I am employed by some amazing folks.  TODAY we have everything we need.  So I became like a child. And I stopped fretting about tomorrow. And I put myself in the moment. And I danced.


9 responses »

  1. I do that too so when I start worrying about money I do the same thing. I breathe. And I realize how lucky and wonderful my life is compared to others. I took one look at that photo of your baby this morning and it says it all….that you are blessed!

    • Mine too, for the most part. But when I really stop and think about it, though I’ve suffered a lot of stress about “where’s the rent/utility/food/etc going to come from?” The reality is… it always came. One way or another, things worked out. Not always like I expected or wanted them too, but we’ve always landed on our feet. And what was gained by all that stress? I’m trying hard to come to a place in my life where I can look around myself and appreciate all that I have in this very moment instead of worrying about what new troubles tomorrow will bring. I find I am a happier healthier person for letting go of “tomorrow.” Not that I don’t plan or consider it. I just don’t dwell. And this moment is pretty cool… I get to have a conversation with a published author who recently had her first book signing at Hastings. How cool is that?!?! You have already reached a level of success that thousands (including me!) only aspire to!

      • Such a great way to live your life–with the attitude that things will work out.
        As for being a published author, I’ve been doing this for 20+ years. I’m having lots of fun now with the blog site, as you seem to be too. It’s nice to get input from others, and blogging is great for that.
        I think you have the makings of a collection of essays from your posts. Keep aspiring!!!

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