I am fascinated, captivated, enthralled and mildly obsessed with all things related to quantum physics.* Understand that I’m not really actually smart enough to wrap my mind around most of it in any coherent way. But I’ve done a fair amount of reading and I’ve applied my newly acquired knowledge to my life in some practical ways. I thought I would share.
Quantum science says that EVERYTHING, in it’s most basic, elemental, form is just energy. The concept of “real” or “imaginary” is purely a creation of the human mind to describe things that are tangible, or not, to our 5 physical senses. Therefore I’ve come to understand that the pile of laundry that I THOUGHT needed folding was actually just a bundle of energy being interpreted by my brain as laundry. It is not a physical thing and therefore does not need folding after all!
This means that I have time, which is just another construct of my psyche, to drink (absorb the energy of) an iced mocha frappe. Since neither calories nor fat are real this will have no effect whatsoever on my hippie hips. In fact, my hippie hips are, themselves, just an illusion.
Along these same lines, I have let my creditors know that, since science has now conclusively shown that everything is energy, I will be saving postage and, rather than sending checks this month, I’ll be sending thoughts of my bills being paid.
Quantum science says that particles react to observation in the way that they are expected to react by the observer. This explains why my children behave when I am looking at them, but not when I am in another room.
Further, smaller particles are more strongly reactive. This explains why a five-year old is more obedient than a teenager. Though it fails miserably to explain why a two-year old is a little maniac compared to a school aged child.
Quantum science says that it is possible for something to exist in two places at once. I have to laugh at this one. How much time and money and research did these (probably male) scientists put into figuring that out? EVERY mother knows that it is possible to be cooking dinner, folding laundry, driving the girls to ballet practice and earning money to pay the bills at the same time. Women have known this for millennia!
I have called the school, my employer and the family doctor and explained that time doesn’t exist. At least, not in a linear fashion. Therefore, I am NEVER late. I’m just in a different location on the continuum which may, at any moment, be moved according to the force of my will. Which has mass. Though my hips do not.
Scientists have shown that an energy, vibrating at a constant frequency, will attract more energy of the same vibrational frequency. This explains the cycle of, “She’s LOOKING at me!” “She was looking at me first!” “Nuh-uh! You were looking at me!” “I was not! You were looking at me!”
It also explains why the atomic-level explosion of , “STOP! IT! NOW! OR! ELSE!” is the only way to end that cycle.
Quantum physics says that if you lock a cat in a box with a bottle of poison it is both dead and alive at the same moment in different realities. So the next time you can’t find the cat you shouldn’t worry. Or you should. Oh poo. Now I’m confused.
So to recap: Clutter isn’t real and neither are fat or calories. Bills can now be paid via bursts of energy. The larger your children are the less obedient they are – but only when you are looking at them. Two-year-olds defy scientific explanation. Mothers are everywhere, all the time. You are never late. Your children NEED you to “explode” so that they can regain balance. And the cat may, or may not, be alive right now.
There…. Aren’t you glad you know about quantum physics? So go out and enjoy the sunshine (even if it’s raining, if you BELIEVE it’s sunny it is) and have a nice day. 🙂
* A disclaimer: I actually, without sarcasm, do think quantum physics is fascinating. To learn more, for real (if such a thing exists…. Whoa.), go to: http://www.higgo.com/quantum/laymans.htm.