It’s an evil machine.
The destruction of us all.
It is stinky.
It inspires laziness .
It is a pollution monster. Pollution is created in the making of it. In the marketing of it. In the use of it. In the disposal of it.
It is noisy. It is so very noisy. And it’s not the pleasant, constant-drone of summer busy-ness kind of noisy. For some reason it starts and stops and gets louder and quieter and….. it’s a sound that makes my bones ache.
It, most likely, annoys your neighbors to no end. (Especially if I’m your neighbor.)
It is…. the leaf blower.
The tool of the devil.
I despise these machines!
I’m a pretty joyful person. I’m generally quite content. I’m not a complaining kind of neighbor. Music is best when it’s loud. Children scream. Dogs bark. Cars backfire. I understand. We make noise too. But…. I can walk down the street and see some man that I’ve always respected and liked (and it is ALWAYS a man. I have never seen a woman use one.) is in his yard, pointlessly blowing his lawn debris around and he automatically loses points in my estimation.
A snow blower? I get that! Snow is heavy and it’s freezing outside when you’re clearing your drive and walks. And they have to be cleared of snow. It’s the law. It’s keeps you safe. A snow blower is reasonable. It’s not the choice I make, but I understand why some people use them. I’m pretty sure that hippie hubby would love to have one and maybe, new job and all, he will next winter.
A lawn mower? I confess – I think the whole grass cutting, leaf raking, hedge trimming, border planting thing is a conspiracy to suck the life out of us on beautiful summer days. But, at least where I live, it is required that you keep a tidy lawn. If you don’t the city will tidy it up for you at an insanely inflated rate. And some people (my grandfather was certainly one of them) love to putter around in their yards making everything just-so. Great! Good for them!
But…. Seriously? A leaf blower? Is it so hard to SWEEP the sidewalk off after you mow? Is raking your postage-stamp yard THAT big of a chore? And if you have 40 acres to tidy up I guarantee you’re not getting anything done by blowing your leaves around your estate. Must the parking lot be completely free of helicopter seeds? And, if you really think it must, is BLOWING the best way to get rid of seeds that are designed by nature to SPREAD when blown? Do you realize that items blown into the street (or the alley or the neighbors yard or… wherever it is you blow them to) WILL come back when the wind picks up? And then you will have to blow them again.
Could you just not think of a SINGLE other thing to spend your $70-300 on? Did you not realize that for less than $10 you could purchase a nice broom AND a rake? Do you know what you could do with your savings?
You could go out for dinner and a movie.
You could buy tickets to a minor league sporting event (and snacks, beer and souvenirs when you get there)
You could get your mother a present. (Don’t forget! Only 2 more days until Mother’s Day.)
You could buy your child a new bike for summer.
You could fill the gas tank on your car. (Well….. if you have the same car as me and if prices don’t rocket up again.)
You could pay the greens fees for a day of golf and buy a round for the boys afterward.
You could give it to your wife for new shoes (just think how happy she’ll be!).
You could buy a new grill, empowering you to better enjoy your lovely, well-kept lawn.
This list could go to infinity and beyond.
I beg of you! As a woman that loves an afternoon nap and PEACEFUL walks around the neighborhood… if you are considering purchasing a leaf blower. STOP! Use your $70-300 to hire a 12 year old kid to clean up your yard trimmings for the summer. Your yard will be clean. The kid will benefit. And the lady next door (especially if you live next door to me) might be SO HAPPY with your decision she’ll bake you some chocolate chip cookies just to say thank you.
* I read on, “I’m Not Stalking You,” that it is acceptable to use your blog as a form of personal therapy. Hence, today’s post. Thank you for helping me retain the bit of sanity I was born with. You, my dear readers, are THE BEST! 🙂