Oh, I know. Men may have an easier time finding a job or getting a raise. They are less likely to be mugged on the street or harassed by their boss. Most of them don’t worry too much about celluite or wrinkles. Their bodies are never stretched beyond imagination by a little alien person growing inside and, likewise, they don’t have to breastfeed so their bosom doesn’t look like a couple of half deflated water balloons by the time their kids are old enough to walk. If it did, they’d probably continue to proudly run around shirtless anyway. They can pee pretty much wherever they want – including in a cup driving 70 MPH down the highway, and they never have to worry about a monthly visitor.
So you would think it would be oh-so-easy to be a man, right?
But consider the role models of the past generation or two. I mean the men that we, who are now well into adulthood, grew up watching on TV. Men like John Wayne and Clint Eastwood, Bruce Lee, Michael Jordan, Joe Montana, James Hetfield (AKA: The Metallica guy), and Slash. Even the silly ones like Tim the Tool Man or Al Bundy.
Now, consider a man in his 30’s or 40’s, living in modern America. Society (let’s face it: it’s not “society.” It’s women.) expect them to be kinder and gentler than the men that preceded them. We want them to exfoliate and moisturize. But only with natural products, of course! We demand that they help with the children and the household chores. We expect them to be conscious of the environment.
Does Clint Eastwood rub lanolin on his face every night before bed? Obviously not. Have you seen the man?!? Would Joe Montana cut his grass with an environmentally friendly tiny little reel mower that goes, “phft, phft, phft, phft” when he pushes it around the yard? Ha! I don’t know for a fact, but I’d bet he’s got a great big rumbling gas-guzzling riding mower. Tim the Tool Man would NEVER scrap out his noisy leaf blower for parts! We all know that growing vegetables takes less toll on the earth than does raising beef cattle but I’d be willing to bet you wouldn’t catch James Hetfield eating Tofurkey on Thanksgiving. I bet Steven Tyler doesn’t drive a Prius.
For many men, there is some sort of mystical link between the size and noise level of their many power tools and the prowess of the tools God gave them at birth. And I’m sure this is nothing new. I bet, before THE fight… you know… the one that got all the publicity… Cain and Able fought over who had the biggest, most powerful spear.
And so we, of the hippie mindset, are asking men to go against that which has been ingrained in their racial memory for thousands of years. And thousands… no… MILLIONS of men have responded admirably. Out of love for their women and love for the planet they have eaten salads and tofu. They have pulled up their organic cotton big boy pants and driven their hybrid vehicles to work.
Hippie men…. I SALUTE YOU! You are real men! You are strong enough… confident enough in your male prowess to cut the grass with little mowers that say, “phft, phft, phft.” You have refreshed yourselves with ice cold glasses of soy milk and you are healthier because of it. You are strong and at-one with nature. You are smart and sexy and we hippie ladies are loving it!
Handsome Hippie Hubby, this one’s for you. I love you! And I think you are the smartest, funniest, kindest, strongest, most talented, bravest, sexiest guy I’ve ever known. I am honored to be your partner in life.
Prove me right, ladies. Share what makes your hot hippie guy some one special.