Do you find yourself wanting, asking, and praying all the time?
Sometimes I want material things: I want a newer, fancier car. I want prettier clothes. I want a snazzy cell phone. I want….
Sometimes I want experiences. I want a romantic date with my Handsome Hippie Hubby. I want to sleep for 18 hours straight. I want to travel. I want to spend a day at the zoo. I want…
I want all the time. Every day. All day long.
I want to write more, and better. I want to learn how to play the piano. I want another piece of cake. I want coffee. Ohhh….. I love coffee. I want to be skinny. I want to be strong. I want to be a yoga master and post pictures of my strong skinny body in impossible positions on Facebook (Stephanie!). I want to be an inspiration to other people who are fat and lazy but WANT to be skinny and strong. I want to play outdoors with my children every day. I want to invent a super fun way to teach multiplication to kids who struggle with math. I want…
I want! I want! I want!
Do I really want those things?
This morning I wanted to eat, so I made myself some breakfast.
I want to have a paycheck, so I went to work today.
I wanted to smell nice so I took a shower and washed with my favorite fancy soap.
Those are small examples, but they illustrate a larger point. If I really want something, I go get it. I find a way. It doesn’t even occur to me to ask, “can I get it?” I just go get it.
So do I really want all those things I mentioned?
Well… I want to want them. I feel like I should want them. I recognize them as good/nice things to have/do/be.
Which ones do I want most? I mean… would I rather have the second piece of cake or would I rather be skinny and strong and full of energy? It’s not very probable that I can have both. Life is full of choices.
I love the post, Advent Is About Desire, by Rev. James Martin.
He talks about distinguishing between passing whims and material fancies and the truest, deepest desires of our heart.
I find myself in a bit of a mental rut lately. It’s not a bad state to be in. Things are comfortable. Everything is good. I’m just plugging along. Day after day after day. After day. After day.
And how can I complain about that?
I can’t! There is no crisis in our lives (beyond the usual bills and baby-up-all-night exhaustion and so forth). Everything is peaceful.
There have been times of serious stress over the years, when I beg for days like these. I pray and plead for rest, both physical and emotional. These past few months have been a much needed rest. I am thankful for them. More than that; I literally list my blessings every day, several times a day. I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Just to be clear, I don’t sit around wanting all the time. I am very aware that my life is truly blessed. I have SO MUCH. And…
The thing is…..
It’s just that…..
There! I said it! (SHHHHH!!! Don’t tell my kids. I am forever lecturing them about what a terrible word that is and how boredom is a choice.) Judge me if you must.
But when faced with the question, “What do you really want?” I’m a little stumped.
If a genie were to appear and grant me three wishes, I’m not quite sure what I’d wish for.
I think this Hippie Mama needs to take some time meditating and exploring her heart, praying and seeking God’s Will. I need to find my next step and take it boldly. I’ve been resting alongside the path long enough now. I’m ready to go. I’m ready to start moving again. I’m just not sure which way to point myself.
Note to God/Source/The Universe/My subconscious/Whoever or Whatever makes such things happen: I am NOT asking for a major crisis. Just a gentle nudge will be fine. Thank you.
So, now that I’ve (over?) shared all that, my question for you is, do you find yourself in this place every so often?
Please say yes. It will make me feel so much better to know I’m not the only one.
Is there something you do to lift yourself out of a rut? Or does life just come along and give you a push?
If you’re still with me, thank you for reading today’s entire long, rambling, stream-of-consciousness post. Mostly I try to offer up helpful thoughts with my blog, but occasionally I use it for free therapy.